Youve been dating several weeks, and you have a feeling he might be the one. He calls when he says hell call. He shows up when he says hell show up. Your friends like him, and hes nice to your cat. Hes doing everything right, and youre pretty sure hes everything you ever wanted in a man.
But youre not sleeping well. Your hands shake when you pour a cup of coffee. Youre distracted at work. And people keep asking you, "Hows it going with the new romance? Whens the wedding?"
Youre freaking out.
Whats wrong with you?
Well, nothing, really. Youve reached the point in a new relationship where everything seems to be going well, but part of you is terrified that suddenly itll end: Hell stop calling. Hell meet somebody else. Youll discover his dresser drawers are crammed with womens underwear.
And your fears are right and natural. Every time he does something right, you fall for him a little more. Youre scared because youve only just met him, you dont really know him, and he holds your heart in his hands! Your mind races with questions: If hes so great, why isnt he married? Why didnt his last relationship last? And so on.
You find yourself fighting the urge to call his parents and closest friends for character references.
Lets face it. Falling in love is not for cowards. It takes strength, confidence, and poise. It becomes tempting to dissect every gesture, every snippet of dialogue with a well-meaning friend who is only too happy to advise you on your new relationship.
But dont do it.
Think of your new relationship as a seed youve planted in the ground. The seed needs time to germinate and break through the soil, but every time you discuss your relationship with a third party, you dig it up. The relationship is no longer a potentially sacred thing between two people but the subject of speculation for many others. Youve robbed it of its specialness and mystery.
Avoid the temptation to ask a friend, "What do you think he meant when he said...?" Ask him instead. If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Keep the relationship between you.
Adopt a "well see what happens" attitude. It takes courage, definitely, but its worth it. Give your burgeoning relationship the sun and water it deserves. Only you can decide whether a man is right for you.
Please trust yourself to do that.
